Eulogy

One final goodbye

I’ll leave no words still unsaid,

All that’s left is love.

Heavy

Even today, 

tree lit and 

gifts opened, 

your absence 

is a heavy coat 

I cannot shrug off. 

I am paralyzed 

by the weight of it, 

the weight of 

the absence of you. 

Nothing 

has never been 

so heavy. 

A New Lu

Five years 
slip by just like 
skates upon ice, 

leaving 
sweet memories 
behind.

Five years 
of knowing 
and loving 
your face,

praying 
health for 
your body 
and mind. 

Five years 
taught patience, 
turned cry into 
voice

made brave 
what once 
cowered 
in fear,

Five years 
grew strong, 
and let 
mama’s hand 
drop,

the adventure gets 
bigger 
this year. 

Snowflakes

Snowflakes like wishes fall silent on lips,

cold muffles all sounds the same.

Winter paints canvases freshly in whites,

but never erases your name. 

Monsters

My daughter, 

still warm, 

wrapped in phantom blankets, 

tucks her face 

into my elbow 

and whispers: 

Mama. 

I can’t sleep. 

I’m afraid of the dark. 

And I want to tell her, 

there is nothing 

to be afraid of, 

kiss her head 

and send her 

back to the pillow 

that so recently 

cradled her wild curls, 

smooth the 

worried wrinkles 

from her forehead 

and rub the fears 

from her back 

like my hands 

are a magnet 

and fear is only 

slivers of silver. 

But 
the lie catches 

between my teeth-  

lies breech 

under my breath. 

There is so much 

to fear, 

that we fear 

even the things 

we do not yet know. 

Snakes 

and spiders 

and traffic 

and the IRS 

and retirement 

and finding love 

only to lose it 

and being 

too loud or 

too quiet or 

too tall or 

too short or 

too far away 

for love to hear 

our call. 

We fear numbers, 

days, 

flavors, 

political groups, 

heights, 

being talked about 

behind our backs, 

or never thought of 

when we have left the party 

to return home 

to the bed 

that smells like 

safety. 

So instead, 

I pull her closer, 

shield her 

from the monsters 

that threaten to invade 

her dreams, 

and promise her 

solemnly: 

It’s okay, baby. 

I’ll always be here. 

Dinner

The day you left, 

I couldn’t stop eating: 

pasta, 

fish, 

pork, 

olives, 

ice cream. 

Bite after bite, 

I swallowed my sorrow: 

let it move my lips 

into something 

other than a 

silent scream. 

It sat 

heavy in my throat, 

refusing to move on, 

to be properly digested.

I still don’t know 

if this lump is 

dinner or 

despair. 

Keys

Losing my mind 

like it’s tethered to keys, 

Sun shining brightly, 

I stand here and freeze,

Decision impossible, 

flow like the breeze,

The only way out is 

straight up.

Biting my tongue 

like it’s raspberry pie,

Begging the clouds 

to return to the sky,

Stars disappear, 

now it’s darkness and I,

Empty is not just 

for cups.

Days stretch before me 

like desert’s hot sand,

no respite in sight, 

like an ocean, no land

grasping for comfort, 

but finding no hand, 

Alone is the worst time 

of day.

Words go unspoken 

and fall on deaf ears

Silently screaming 

and nobody hears

A single breath in, 

that’s supposed to last years

Grief passes, 
that’s what they say. 

The Poem I Didn’t Want to Write

The first time 

I met you, 

tall 

dark 

perfect, 

I knew 

the gleam 

in your eyes 

would one day 

remind me of 

every starry sky 

I would ever see.  

You held 

my hand 

in your own, 

and my heart 

started skipping- 

your joy 

has always been 

contagious. 

The day 

I realized 

I loved you, 

you handed me 

my jacket, 

saved it 

from being forgotten 

in an auditorium 

littered with dust 

and empty water bottles. 

You held 

the door for me, 

and I held 

my breath 

as you 

cocooned secrets 

in the front seat 

of the school bus. 

The day 

I said 

goodbye to you, 

sent you 

to your new 

adventure 

too far for me 

to follow- 

I knew 

I would ache 

with your absence 

the way 

the wounded 

believe their leg 

might someday 

heal, 

might bear weight, 

might someday 

run once more. 

This is to say, 

my dearest darling,

the joy

the trust

the hope 

the love 

that has painted you 

irreplaceable 

has changed me- 

has changed 

the world.

I love you.

Sunshine

Numb is the new cold:
Some days, even the sun fails
to make me feel warm.

Cyclical

So here we are 

again, 

Brown leaf blankets

and stereo lullabies.

The thing about 

horizons 

is I can 

never remember 

which direction 

I am heading. 

The sun 

looks the same, 

rising and 

setting. 

A crystal ball and

a rear view mirror 

look the same 

when you’re 

driving 

in circles. 

I wrote 

my future 

on your back, 

so I’d be sure 

to see it 

as you walk 

away. 

Too

It has all become clear:
I have never been enough.
I am too small a smile,
too quiet a song,
too placid a passion.
I am too dry a sponge,
too thin a paint,
too bare a cupboard.
You were made for more than me:
I am an empty cup, beloved,
and without you,
I have no hope of filling.

Thanks

And when we are old, 

I will still reach for your hand-

You are my blessing.

Platitudes

They told me,
if you love him,
let him go.
But I couldn’t
convince
my fingers
to unfurl-
to release you
into the wild
unknown.

Civil Duty

Then do not say, 

next week, 

in two years, 

or fifteen years 

from now, 

that you were not 

given a voice. 

Today is the day, 

beloved. 

Your adventure 

is before you, 

you need only 

to choose 

which path 

to walk. 

Put pen to paper, 

the future 

is of your 

making. 

(un)Titled

Hurricane heartbreak, 

a Polaroid passion, 

blink and you’ll see it, 

the shores that we’ve crashed on. 

A rear view of worries, 

all ripe for forgetting, 

a gasoline pardon, 

no knees left for begging. 

Paper plane romance, 

a tower too tall, 

sometimes the soaring 

feels more like a fall. 

Now You See It

I will 

never 

understand 

how someone 

so solid 

can 

so suddenly 

disappear. 

You 

are the 

worst kind 

of magician, 

love. 

October Heart

October heart, 

I’m dead and still dying, 

turning to ash on the vine,

Moonless night walks,

to keep fear from freezing,

this haunted kingdom is mine. 

Ghosts share my face,

I’ve made my own monsters, 

they never end up my friends.

Howl at the moon, 

to drown out the silence,

this is the season of ends. 

(S)hell(o)

Every morning, 

the oak has 

painted more brown 

atop the green, 

and the cracked 

acorn shells 

remind me that 

winter has vowed

to come again 

soon. She, 

at least, 

has always kept 

her promise. 

Sunrise

Come, be my shoulder, 

my hand to hold onto, 

for sorrow’s a vice grip, 

a bore. 

Love, be my oxygen, 

come and invade me, 

even pulling you in is 

a chore.

Darling, sit tight 

for this part will be rocky, 

and possibly what follows 
too.

I promise, though, 

that we’ll see dawn together: 

my sun doesn’t rise without 

you. 

Space Between

This bed 

is far too big 

for us, 

beloved.

We do not need 

all of this space 

between us. 

Look, 

beloved, 

how neatly 

your head 

fits in 

the crook 

of my arm, 

how perfectly 

my legs 

bend 

around yours. 

My cheek 

will find 

its resting place 

in the curve 

of your neck, 

and your hands 

will end 

their journey 

on the small 

of my back. 

This bed 

is far too big 

for us, 

beloved- 

we have no need 

for any space 

between us. 

Cicada Song

Somewhere, 

there is a place 

fashioned 

solely for us. 

Sunlight 

streams in 

among

leafy green 

ceilings, 

and we are 

serenaded 

by the 

siren song 

of cicadas. 

Meet me there, 

beloved. 

We have waited 

so long. 

The Failure of Webster

And it has always 

been this way:

each smile, 

each song, 

each breath, 

only yours. 

How could you 

have ever 

imagined otherwise? 

My darling, 

love is 

too small a word 

for the oceans 

that live inside us. 

Which letters 

can contain 

the infinite? 

Come

Come to me 

with sincerity, 

open heart, 

open arms, 

and I will fill 

your gray world 

with colors 

you have not yet 

learned the names of. 

Come to me 

vulnerable, 

worn down, 

downcast, 

and I will build 

you fortress walls 

unbreachable, 

stretching across 

the horizon. 

Come to me 

with hope, 

dreamer’s eyes 

and steadfast soul, 

and I will unlock 

the kingdom 

and hand you 

the keys.